Saturday, 9 March 2013

Drunk Werewolves Ate My Crazy T-Shirt

By Roger Ladd


Everything I need to know about life, I learned from killing smart people and eating their brains. Also, I get a lot from wearing crazy t-shirts every day. When you're a brain-eating cannibal who can steal memories by eating brain, then the crazy t-shirts are just fair warning to the people who may ( or may not) be your next victim.

I don't like eating people brains. I LOVE eating people brains. When I'm feeling a bit slow or dull during the day, there's nothing better than dragging a screaming guy into an alley and grabbing a quick brain-snack. I have a pretty decent method of harvesting too. PeTA would be proud of how humane I am.

I may eat a normal-person brain every once in a while between special brains if I can feel myself slowing down. When the color-lines refuse to cross me, then I have to MAKE them connect with a few brain smoothies. No big deal. I only have to do something crazy like that if my unicorn hunts turn up empty...which they often are, these days.

Speaking of unicorns, does anyone else know why they've been running around with those werewolves lately? I didn't think they got along at all, and definitely not enough to hang out and frolic in the forest. It's just weird. I can't sneak up on a unicorn who's having wood beers with a werewolf. What happened to all the princesses they used to pal around with. Princess brains are WAY easier to get your hands on than a stupid old werewolf brain.

It doesn't take much skill to be crazy, you know. You probably already are and don't even know it yet. I'm one of the lucky ones because I've known I was crazy since the first time someone told me, "You so crazy." I AM so crazy. I ate her brain to prove it. I think it gives my prey a fighting chance if I just go ahead and wear my crazy t-shirts. If they think it's just supposed to be a joke, then that's their fault. I'm as mad as a hatter and I have the brains and crazy t-shirts to prove it.




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